the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
