Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
