i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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