I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
