So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
