apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
