ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
