Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
