but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
