i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
