can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
