i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
