): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
