Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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