I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
