I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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