took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
