I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
