Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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