They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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