Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
