Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
