im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
