No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
