The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
