If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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