im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
