pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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