May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
