he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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