I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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