Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
