marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
