So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
