I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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