we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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