who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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