I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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