Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
