I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
