I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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