i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
