I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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