i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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