It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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