He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
