soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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