You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
