She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
