my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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