Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize