9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
