it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
