theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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