she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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