she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
