Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
