Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
