i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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