just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
