i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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